I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
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