I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
