this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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