I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
