I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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