Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
