The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
