You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
