well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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