and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
