it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Be still, my beating vagina.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Bang-toberfest begins!!
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
