I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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