Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
only you would photoshop your dick
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
