Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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