also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
It was confusing and full of hummus
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
