apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
NoShamevember. You game?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
