Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
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