well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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