Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
