i just google imaged poop.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
