i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
