I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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