I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
