just tell him i said nine months
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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