it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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