SEEEEXXX PLEASE
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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