I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
