dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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