It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
