3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Randomize
