I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
did i walk over a car last night?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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