oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
