My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
