He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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