The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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