Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I just had sex on a roof
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
