You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
