if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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