this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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