Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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