mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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