At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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