hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I don't deserve a penis
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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