you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
