You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Randomize
