i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
