cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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