I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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