If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
