New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
