the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
