drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
