return my video game
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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